Want to Fit in? Things You Shouldn't Post on Instagram

Recently, a friend from college and I had a small conversation about why he doesn't have an Instagram.

What we agreed on is that social media has its ups and downs; and just about anyone reading this could agree. We all want to pitch in through our selfies, quotes, life styles, and just about anything that increases our self esteem, but we also want to avoid drama. I mean, I agree that social media could be very resourceful and a good way to keep in touch with friends and the world (aside from actually reading the newspaper). However, we must ask ourselves these questions: is a social media ever too much? or do we ever go too far?

First of all, let's discuss a little bit of Social Psychology. I have a Psychology degree, I could not pass an opportunity to talk about it! 

People have two fundamental social motivations:

1. People want to be liked and have a need to belong.
2. People want to be accurate, consistent, and authentic.

With respect to the first one, we could talk about the Self-Discrepacy Theory by E. Tory Higgins (1987).  This simply states that there are three types of "self", and as a result we can fall short of expectations between these which could lead to negative emotions. The three types are:

1. the "ideal self": who you want to be
2. the "ought self": who you should be, or who society thinks you should be
3. the "real self": who you BELIEVE you are, regardless of who you really are

Now, the different kinds of emotions we get from the discrepancies between these are as follows:

• a low-discrepancy between the "real" self and the "ideal" self= joy!
• this means that who you believe you are is who you want to be; thus, you're happy!
• a low-discrepancy between the "real" self and the "ought" self= satisfaction
• this means that you feel satisfied with how well you fit in with how society expects you to be.
• a high-discrepancy between the "real" self and the "ideal" self= sadness
• this means that who you believe you are is far from who you really want to be.
• a high-discrepancy between the "real" self and the "ought" self= anxiety
• this means that you are not who society thinks you should be, and as result you become anxious. This is where social media plays a big role! Girls trying to look prettier; guys trying to look buffer. How many times have you taken a picture, in which you think you look very attractive, and feel the need to post it so that your followers can 'like' it? Been there, done that! Even those of you who claim that "what matters is the inner beauty" and praise it by posting quotes or more selfies (where you actually look very good), subconsciously are very worried about how society perceives you. That's why you feel the need to point out that real beauty is in the inside in the first place! I mean, don't get me wrong. I also think that one's character should be the most important. But hey! We're humans and we want to belong and be liked. Remember?

It's kind of funny because when we're in public, we're all so worried about how we look and how other people perceive us, that we actually hardly notice how other people look. In other words, if you go out in sweats one day with hardly any make-up and you are so worried about what people are going to think of you, DON'T WORRY! It is very likely that people are going to be so worried about how THEY look that they will hardly notice you are not looking your sharpest! Crazy, right?  
You might ask, well then how come people are more attracted to you when you look nice? That's because you feel satisfied with the way you look and feel good; thus, you portray confidence and a nice image. People are attracted to that!
I guess on Instagram it is a bit different. There is more time to carefully observe a picture and probably no one is looking at you. Since your mind is not busy with worry, you can notice that beauty mark you never knew a certain person had!

There are some users that hardly post anything and then some that post about EVERYTHING, literally! As a consequence, some complain and even make fun... like in this video:

I've ran into articles that literally criticize everything that one posts on Instagram, but I think that's a bit too far. I mean, what are we supposed to post after all? I also like to post selfies and random things, but there are things that I do think are a bit too much. So, here's my opinion on things that should be avoided...

1. The Weed Picture (or anything illegal)
Cool, you smoke and you enjoy the effects that come with it. However, let me remind you that it is mostly illegal; and unless you don't have any desire for a job or a career, posting pictures about your pot is a bad idea. Especially if your profile is public! Now, nothing wrong with liking weed! But how about just enjoying it and not posting about it? Same thing, right?

2. The Half-Naked or Mostly-Naked Picture
Everybody has the right to post pictures of themselves in any way; nobody is arguing against that. Yet, most of the half-naked pictures I have run into are of teenagers who, I'm afraid, haven't reached psychological maturity. Thus, they are probably not capable of making good decisions. Now, let's elaborate a bit on that, shall we? Our brains have two systems: the 'social-emotional' system– which develops roughly at age 15 and increases our sensitivity to the rewards we see of acting on the heat of the moment. This is why teens are so risky. Then there's the 'cognitive control' system– which continues to develop into adulthood and allows for better decision making. So it makes sense that most of these pictures are from teens. Yes girls, there are models who look lovely in their half-naked pictures, but unlike you, they get paid for posing! Keep in mind that anything that is uploaded into the internet stays there forever! Stay classy, ladies.

3. The multiple 'Turn Up' Pictures... of One Night
Congratulations! You know how to enjoy yourself and the company of those around you through music and drinks. That's great! We all love to party; and the harder, the better! My question is, how do people actually remember to take a picture every time they're supposedly having 'a great time'? If you're having such a great time, why are you wasting valuable partying time taking blurry pictures, and even taking more time posting them? Personally, I rather dance the night away and enjoy the moment. Yes, a picture with your party people won't hurt. We like bragging about our social lives... but do we really need to post a picture with everyone we run into? I think not!

4. The Food Pictures
I'm not referring to the people who occasionally will post a picture of the very delicious-looking meal they're having. I'm talking about those who probably do it as often as they eat a nicely cooked meal. Whenever I get my meal at a restaurant, first thing I do is eat it! The better and the more artsy it looks, the faster I start eating it! I'm hungry! How do people remember to post a picture of every fancy, and not-so-fancy, meal they eat?

5. The Working Out, at the Gym, Picture
Whoo! Props to you on deciding to make a change to your life style by getting fit! Yes, I've been guilty of posting a couple of workout-related pictures, but I don't want to bore people with my same-old routine! I run and work out to stay fit and healthy, not to brag about it on Instagram. But it's cool, I get it. You feel proud of yourself; therefore, you want to get the attention you think you deserve for it. I applaud your hard work! What I wonder is, for those who take pictures at the gym and claim to be "hitting it hard", why are you posing? Hit it hard! Unless you're a fitness instructor or a personal trainer who is promoting what you do for a living, you should limit yourself to only posting a nice one every now and then. Just keep up the good work!

6. The Stacks of Money Picture
It's good that you're not broke! But do you really want to post a picture of the amount on your pay check or your already-cashed check? Are you trying to get robbed? What's the message you're trying to communicate here? Of course society emphasizes the importance of being employed and becoming successful, but I think you actually working already delivers that message.

Personally, I like Instagram. But! No matter how much you want to be liked, there is social media etiquette; and most specifically, Instagram etiquette.